M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
