It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
