i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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