you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
