pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
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