you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
so much tequila, so little girl.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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