my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
