If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
