You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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