well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
