ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
