I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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