so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
