I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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