I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
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