I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
