he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
