Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
