So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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