Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
