No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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