Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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