Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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