There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
