I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
