Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
