how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
