amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
