I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
