Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
I'm really busy with my period
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