man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
