Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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