He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
