this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
