he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
