Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
