getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
