My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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