Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
