I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
jump out the window naked night went bad
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
