Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I lost the right to judge tonight
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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