I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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