My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
