She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
