So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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