i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
