Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
