look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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