Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
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