Ambien. No doubt about it.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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