After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
